none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's never too late to be topless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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