The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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