I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
