Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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