i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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