Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So apparently I’m into choking now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
