Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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