ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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