I wish my penis had an off switch
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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