i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My penis needs a shock collar
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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