he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
