It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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