he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
