i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
