if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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