Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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