I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
what day is it and did you see me today?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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