JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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