you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
