it's too hot outside to masturbate.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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