I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
