Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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