now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
