I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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