I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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