Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
