Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
