Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
These tits shall not be calmed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
