even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
