2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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