Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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