thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
