You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if only i could text you this smell
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
