she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
