i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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