he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
