i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
