Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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