Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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