you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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