Don't you send me to vm
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
