I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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