Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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