Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
