Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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