it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
