Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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