You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
