True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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