There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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