im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
