I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
